When I think of going on a trip, Birmingham isn’t the first place that jumps in my mind. It’s in Alabama. That’s only three hours away. Meh. Give me bluer skies, mountains, beaches, and people with a different accent than the one I hear all the time. But I went and it was actually…fun!
Originally we decided to go because a band I’ve adored for 12 years (Niyaz) was playing a free show at India Fest. Sadly, a three hour car trip in a BMW is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Especially for a person dealing with an IBD flare-up. When we got to the hotel, I just wanted to take a shower, eat my weight in food, and nap. We missed the concert I’d been waiting half my life for. I wasn’t upset. Niyaz might have been missed but we still had two days to roam a city at our discretion. What better way to not plan a vacation? I strongly recommend just jumping blindly into a destination and figuring it out as you go, but why not give you a little ‘Hipster’s Guide to Birmingham’?
Disclaimer: I am not above searching ‘hipster’ in Yelp when I visit places. Ambience, good food, and a little character. For better or worse, places frequented by guys with beards and beanies usually have something good about them. If you have some sort of vendetta against the flannel wearing, typewriter using, and Etsy-shopping niche…go away. The negativity is almost always radiating off someone who is also an hipster. And as the millennial proverb goes, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”
First, the hotel we stayed at was…okay-ish. Since this was all very last minute, we had few options thanks to financial and time constraints. Blah, blah, blah. Regardless, I don’t want to send them any sort of press. Good, bad, or otherwise. I will remember what you did; that strange little hair I found on the bathroom floor within 5 minutes; the shower that barely crept above body temperature. I will remember. You’ve been cryptically warned, Nameless Hotel.
Back to the goody-goody gumdrops stuff!
Too little too late? Probably. I didn’t even get to grab one for my dad, but I did try one myself. A venti. With soy. It was quite the little adventure for my tastebuds.
Let me just start with this: I have maybe 4 Frappuccinos in a year. They’re milkshakes, not a real coffee option. I think I’m comfortable enough with my level of badassery that I can drink one of these bad boys without being labeled though. It’s just a drink after all. The only drink that should come with a condescending look is if you’re chugging rubbing alcohol alone in your bathroom. (If you do that, please seek help.)
So. I ordered one. I wasn’t mad. Taking precautions to ensure a well-made one were key. We all saw the videos of the crying baristas, and I definitely didn’t want to be responsible for the breakdown of a college student. I ordered it over the app from a Starbucks that’s a little less busy than most. I didn’t have to stand there fumbling over my order and there were no witnesses. Muuuwahahaha. Not to mention I ordered it without whipped cream and with soy milk. Healthy unicorn. Well…a lactose-intolerant unicorn at the very least. I loafed around until they forked over the goods. Like a baby alien unicorn descending from the heavens, my drink had arrived. There might have been trumpets and fanfare. Someone might have set a delicate tiara made of unicorn drool on my head. All of this might have happened.
First, the colour. It’s basically radioactive. Of course these photos are edited, but not much, and I actually turn saturation down…so…it’s even louder in person. Like some hi-lighters that were only available in the 90s, that’s what it looks like. It looks like a Saved By the Bell rerun. Amazing.
At first it tastes good. To me anyway. It immediately becomes some sort of vanilla cake with a tropical fruit filling (that’s the mango syrup). I couldn’t place the flavour at the time, but now I think I can. Pineapple upside-down cake. But it doesn’t last. The sour goop hits you in the face like a Warhead from hell.
I like sour candy, don’t get me wrong. There is a very big difference between casually sucking on some sour gummy worms, and injecting a mouthful of unadulterated liquid Warhead into your face. It’s alarming and stomach-turning. Once the sour syrup took over, I threw it away in about 5 minutes.
So there you have it. I waxed poetic on a drink that made everyone shut up about politics for a bit. It was a nice little reprieve from reality, wasn’t it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Self-proclaimed hipster, Molly, goes to Starbucks. Ask me if I care. I’m pretty snobby when it comes to coffee, but I will always have mad love for Starbucks. Especially when a strawberry milk of sorts came to play in the form of the #PINKDRINK.
Basically, the second we can, we’re moving to Portland. I am not a southern girl by any means. The heat gets to me, humidity shouldn’t exist, those aren’t mountains, don’t put sugar in that tea, etc. Atlanta was never meant for me. My entire family is from Colorado on over. I just have to get outta here.
About a month ago, we went back to play around in Portland some more. Our first trip we somehow missed out on Voodoo Doughnut, even though we drunkenly wandered by it three or four times. Apparently, a drinking Molly has more interest in arcade games than fried dough. Sounds about right.